Hey, I think we've talked a little bit about this before, but the byproduct of having a following is having people that don't like you very much. That's number one. You are going to get hate. You're going to get people saying mean things.

Unfortunately, that's the nature of the internet. That is what you've signed up for. Nobody has forced you to have a following. Nobody has said, "You have to post photos of yourself every day and get hundreds of thousands of followers."

The side effect of being in the public eye is that sometimes the public eye doesn't think you're so great and sometimes they want to say that. I understand it sucks when people are mean on the internet, that is kind of the internet. That's one thing. Let's put it in kind of a few categories. We'll answer that, what do I do when people are just being shitty, or saying just a mean thing?

Harassment is different thing. People harassing you, the platforms have gotten better about taking these things very seriously. Report them, go through the official channels to report them. Generally, these things shut get shut down. Reach out to Instagram, reach out to Twitter, wherever this is happening and try and deal with it in an official capacity because harassment is different than someone being mean to you and saying, "Hey, you don't look so good in that," or, "I think you look ugly," or, "I hate you."

Harassment, deal with it officially. I wouldn't poke the bear. I wouldn't engage. Just try and get them off the platform. Again, Instagram and Twitter have gotten much much better about that because they have come under so much heat for allowing it for so long and kind of turning a blind eye.

We've got the category of someone being mean to you, right? You've got one where someone is just saying a shitty thing to you. They're saying something shitty about the way you look, they're saying something shitty about whatever - something bigoted, something sexist. That stuff sucks and there is absolutely no basis for it whatsoever. I wouldn't seek you're following on them. I wouldn't start a big fight with them. I would just block them, report it as harassment as well. Just go through the official thing the official channels to deal with that.

Don't turn it into a huge fight and turn your following against them. You then just give that person your platform. You know, you've just handed your platform over to someone for free. For what reason? To say, "Fucking, you shouldn't say this." I don't see how that's a win for you. I think you have then taken someone who said something hurtful and given them the platform that they wanted in the first place, which is a lot of attention.

When influencers go after people in that way, I don't think the person they go after is sitting at home being like, "Oh my gosh, I feel so bad for doing this." I think they're laughing because I think that was the whole point. That is what trolling is. Trolling is saying ridiculous shit that is completely not based in any sort of reality to get someone to respond. That's it. If you respond, you've just done the exact thing that they want. Block them, delete the comment, move on, don't engage.

Now, other side. What if someone says to you, "Hey, it feels like you've been doing a lot of sponsored posts recently. Hey, it kind of sucks how you used to always talk about affordable things. And now all you talk about is luxury stuff that nobody could afford. Hey, maybe, you know, don't talk about something this way. Like, it might be nice for you that you don't have to shop at Target but I do, so like, if you could not be like a complete bitch about that, that would be nice." Something like that. Right?

If they say something that is based on some action or behavior of yours. Again, the first reaction is to jump down their throat and say, "Hey, this is my job. I'm doing sponsored posts because I have a living to make. And this is my, this is like me trying to make a living. So like, you don't have to follow me, just unfollow." Again, I would step back. Understand that you cannot win arguments.
If somebody is saying something like that, I think the best thing to do is say, "Hey, thank you so much for the feedback. I totally hear you. You know, this is the way I make money and I try and do sponsored posts that are going to be, you know, that I think my audience would be interested in. I'm totally happy to have a conversation on email, if you feel like I've been doing posts that aren't in line with what you're interested in, in your life."

"Hey, I totally understand that I used to talk about a lot more affordable options. I've been fortunate enough recently that my, you know, my financial situation has changed, and I am able to afford things that are more expensive. But you're right, I shouldn't completely forget about why you guys came here in the first place. And I should include more affordable options."

You can shut down criticism very quickly by just listening to it and looking at yourself and saying, like, "What if they're not wrong? Maybe they are saying this thing in a way that hurt my feelings initially." And we're animal, we're just reptiles. When somebody punches, you want to punch back. If you can just wait a couple minutes and step back and say, "Okay, sure, they said this thing that in a way that was hurtful and there was a better way to do it. But what if, instead of attacking them for giving their honest opinion, I engage them and ask them a question and listened."

This is not dissimilar to how I ended up meeting Valerie @onacurve, from a few episodes back. She had a criticism of me, I listened and I didn't say, "You got it wrong. You interpreted it wrong. That's not what I meant." I said, "You're totally right. That was off. You know, that was not the right way to say things, I'd love to talk more about it." I've learned so much from her and from the other people who are commenting on that post by just stepping back and listening.

Don't engage the trolls, but if your audience is saying, "I don't agree with what you're doing anymore," or, "I don't recognize this Instagram anymore," or, "I'm not finding it valuable," and you attack them instead of engaging them, I think you will find that in a couple of years will be looking and your community will be gone, and you'll say, "What happened?" and it is because you thought you were better than your followers, and you're not, you are in service of them.

By hitting the Follow button hundreds of thousands of times, they've given you a life beyond your wildest imagination. When one of them has the guts to stand up and say, "Hey, I think you're kind of boring now, and I think you used to be awesome," that should scare you enough to reach out and say, "Let's talk about this." Not to say, "I'm going to seek my like- my people on you and make you feel really shitty for saying this thing."

It's a harder thing to do. I encourage you to do it though. Here's some general life advice. Listen to the people in your life who don't necessarily think you're the shit. Listen to the people in your life who criticize you openly. Especially for my influencers out here who are watching who have a following over 100, 200, 300, 500,000 followers. Once you have a bigger following you getting this echo chamber where you start to believe that you're great, but you're not great. You're nothing. You're nothing, but a very lucky individual. You have the life you have because of you're following.

If you start to believe the things that people say about you online, either way, if you start to believe when everyone is like, "Oh my god, you're amazing. You're a goddess. You're perfect. I love you so much. You're such an inspiration," that shit starts going to your head and you start actually thinking you're this big inspiration, and you're probably not. That is a hard thing for everyone to realize, that you're just not that special. That's humanity. We have our little slice of time on this earth to try and make a mark.

Again, if you're lucky enough to find some success, and to find a group of people who are interested in you and interested in your life and some of them raise their hand and say that, "I don't like what's happening," take the time to listen.